Exhausted and Lifted

Wednesday’s are a long day for me. I teach my 3rd grades from 9-3 (with an hour break at lunch during which I respond to parent emails and try to do some planning and reflecting), then a team meeting for an hour, followed by teaching undergrads from 4:30-7:00. That’s a standard Wednesday right now.

Two Wednesday’s a month I then go on to join in an anti-racism study group from 7:45-9:15. For this week we’d finished reading White Rage by Carol Anderson. That book shook me. I’m married to an historian of US history. I read relatively widely. The amount I didn’t know has knocked me over. I had not realized how much the history I learned, formally and informally, was exceptionally white.

On these Wednesday’s now I question whether or not I have it in me to join the group call. The day feels like it’s been six years long already. How can I possibly muster the energy to focus on and participate in discussions about race? Then I pull myself together and log on. I have not once been disappointed. I always feel there is so much more I could and should be doing. While also feeling energized to do this work.

I am immensely grateful to the women who organized this group as well as to all the others who join in twice a month and commit to learning and growing. This work is hard and as a white woman I have to be doing it. Doing it with others helps so much.

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