Time has lost meaning. I have no idea what time of day it is, what day of week it is, what day of the month, what month for that matter, or even what year. I check the date on my watch, on my phone, on our family’s google calendar, really anywhere I can find a calendar. I feel hungry and have to look at a clock to see if it is even remotely reasonable for me to eat another meal already. It’s almost always already and not that I have somehow missed a meal.
The difference between a weekday and weekend is long gone. Remembering when the trash or recycling should go out and actually remembering to bring the containers back in requires a surprising amount of daily effort. My children have had no reason to be up but I’ve insisted on waking them at 9:00 am out of the fear that someday they’ll need to be getting up at 6:00 am again and if they sleep as late as they desire everyday, we’ll never manage that. However, the days when I have actually knocked on their doors at 9:00 have been few. 9:15, 9:30, 10:00, or even later have been more the norm. I just can’t hold on to the time.
My family is keeping me entertained, on the positive side. We laugh far more than anything else. So far, at least. I know that can go wrong at any moment. My teammates at school have definitely kept me going as well. Not only have they been amazing at thoughtfully collaborating on how best to serve our students and their families but they have pivoted time and time again as we’ve had to adapt to changes being thrown at us. Every time any one of us suggests a meeting, everyone is there right away. Ready to work together.
They’re also making me laugh and that is wonderful. We have side chat conversations during meetings about how our online staff meetings are now one teammate’s favorite tv show. Others have suggested it’s a reality show and we’re all trying to be the one voted off. Another suggested that it isn’t that kind of island, no one is allowed off, it’s more like Gilligan’s Island. Seems about right. I just want coconuts to drink out of now.
My head is swimming. (I did not intend a pun on the island theme but I’ll take it.) It seems like my brain can’t hold on to one thought as other thoughts jockey for position and they all shove each other around. My brain is like a bunch of elementary kids heading out of the building for a fire drill. Getting any focus to accomplish anything meaningful is a challenge.
And I keep reminding myself that if I’m feeling this, as an adult with plenty of life experience and ability to deal with my emotions, what it must mean for so many kids. Just one more of those thoughts shoving for space in my head.